BLUR

Posted by SuperHypersonic under SuperHyperSonic

and the title is here…..

BLUR
It seemed like forever, that I had not been myself.
I don’t remember since when I started to revel in the impression
That I am secure and in command.
That I do not need anyone.
On the surface I was calm.
I hid behind these masks….
Sophistication, poise and charm.
But beneath lay the real me,
Unsure, afraid, alone.
I was trying to be comfortable in my own confusion, my fear, my loneliness.
And so I created this nonchalant facade.
To help me hide,
To shield me from the very thing I didn’t know I so dearly wanted.
But suddenly, something happened.
Like a cool breeze you swooped into my life.
Unrattled on the surface, I kept the mask firmly into place.
Didn’t want you to see beyond what I pretended to be.
But your glance, all knowing,
That glance
It cut through all defenses.
I couldn’t repel it, though trust me I tried.
I always ran away from the very thing my heart screamed out for.
Hiding behind the many walls I build.
Yet beneath the mask, unknowingly, I fervently prayed for someone to seek out the real me.
To penetrate thru these walls, thru my defenses,
And
It had to be you.[And trust me I wouldn’t have wanted it to be anyone but you]
When did this happen?
When did all the fears start to melt away?
And all the pretensions faded.
And I could again be just myself.
It must not have been easy for you.
For I tried to push you away and further, at every chance that I could.
I fought this love, though that’s all I ever wanted.
I tried everything to make you change your mind,
Although hoping that your love was as stubborn as my resistance.
That my fake indifference would someday perish due to your persistence.
And I have heard that love is stronger than walls.
And in that lay my hope.
And you gently brought down all the walls.
If there is one thing I regret,
It’s not having told you how much I appreciated your perseverance.
For who else could love me like you did,
Who else would have the patience to seek out the real me.
You always told me, speak, don’t wait, and just speak.
When two hearts need to talk, one doesn’t need any preparation.
You always said, listen to your heart, and never leave any room for regret.
I realize now you were always right.
I realize,
Much too late now,
That through the dark demolished walls,
To my confused existence, your love brought clarity,
To my soul, your love brought light.
Accepting, unconditional, giving,
All this, your love was.
The very crux of all my feelings,
Your love was.
Your love, beloved was my salvation.
I knew this then, I know this now.
I, free at last from all the shackles,
Lost in our bliss, didn’t believe anymore that nothing lasts forever.
Didn’t remember that life is ephemeral.
[Does love really perish with the body or does the soul lead it to eternity?]
Too late to think about all of this now.
Some nights when I can’t sleep,
[And if you watch over me, my lost angel, you will know its every night]
I search the sky hoping to find you.
But instead I face the familiar darkness all over again.
In my gloom I wonder sometimes,
If I wasn’t worthy enough of your love. [Tell me that’s not true]
But if you still can listen to my heart,
You do not need to worry.
I will get through this.
I won’t enslave myself into a self-created prison again.
These tears too will dry soon.
And I don’t need no masks no more.
Your memory warms my heart.
But memory alone is not enough.
In loving you I have lived a lifetime.
But a lifetime isn’t enough.